To restate the obvious, I've been away for a while. I think I'm getting ready to be back now, but maybe not quite yet.

I had a heart attack. Out of the blue. So I took a year off. I'm better now -- smaller, weaker, and far less likely to fall over and die.

Last year's garden was abandoned when I fell over the day before planting and required opening for repair. This year's garden was planted and failed. Spring never warmed, it stayed hopelessly wet into mid-summer, and everything that wasn't eaten by rabbits and deer rotted and died before the three weeks of warm dry weather that preceded the arrival of fall.

Bees made honey, though one hive did all the work. It looks good for a full catalog of hot sauce by Thanksgiving, though likely no Habanero this year. I'm set to expand the apiary next year, and I'm hoping for at least triple the honey and wax I harvested this year. If I can get an electric fence around the garden for next year, I should have peppers in quantity. I want IR-targeted auto-ranging laser canons, but an electric fence (with solar power) is the closest option at Tractor Supply.

Anyway, enough with the update. I fell down. I got up. I'm (almost) going again.

Soon.

will the bees get a yurt?

so, I need a place to keep bee stuff, and to work on hives, and extract honey, maybe more. I'd always thought, for some reason, that there should be yurts on the property. turns out you can import honest to god mongolian yurts from china.

so, I could build or buy a simple storage shed, somewhere between 10'x10' and 12'x20', or I could order a couple of half-length shipping containers, or I could import a yurt.

so, I'm thinking of yurts. Turns out the (significant) shipping charges only get it to the nearest port (their choice, not mine, think New York, not Baltimore or Norfolk, or the Virginia Inland Port in Winchester) and then it's my problem. so now I'm on the prowl for outfits that offer turnkey yurt-delivery experiences, 'cause there's a lot of deatils there that I'd rather not be bothered with. I still gotta schlep it home. will a knocked-down mongolian yurt from china fit in a Durango, or do I gotta drag a trailer to Jersey and back?

Alternatively, the bee stuff may get a nice cheap party tent which can be useful elsewhere if it survives.

sooner or later there's gonna be yurts. I'm not sure I'm ready to facilitate yurt delivery on spec. The bee stuff may get a glorified tent, not a glorious one.

taking the bee keeping plunge

So, yesterday, on Cyber Monday, I ordered bee hives, bee keeping supplies, and bees.

The apirary area should be ready well before Spring, and the bees should arrive about 4/10. I chose Buckfast bees because they're among the most gentle and mite resistant. In fact, the official "West Virginia" bee is a Buckfast variant. I couldn't find any place to get "West Virginia" bees online, so I ordered Buckfasts from Texas.

For starter hives, I ordered four complete cypress hive kits. My "starter" kit also comes with a couple of hive bodies, along with the gloves, hat, veil, suit, smoker, etc.... I also ordered four big plastic footed hive stands, which should let me keep the ants and other crawlies away from the hives.

Over the next couple of weeks, boxes of hive parts and beekeeping tools should start arriving. As long as I have places ready for four 3 packages of bees before April, everything should be fine. Hopefully, about the same time, the big field will be pushing up grasses and clovers, and the bees will have a ready food source to build up their numbers. I'm not expecting much in the way of honey or wax the first year, but my goal for 2009 is to have all four hives survive next Winter and produce well.

the season moves apace, even if the blog entries don't.

the very cranberry cream ale has become my christmas tree, fermenting away under a blanket of cranberry slices in a 15 gallon green demi-jon. the barleywine is waiting on a 10-gallon brewpot but otherwise ready to go, and the mead is waiting on inspiration, although the honey is already on hand.

clearing of the apiary continues, now with just the scrap metal and large rocks to remove before the final brush clearing. should not be any problem to have ready before the bees and hives arrive.

a dead deer has appeared in the maze, fallen to ground right in front of where center stage will eventually be.

the freezer is full of hot peppers (and pork) and I have processed the first 10 gallons of raw Jalapeño sauce. there will also be Serrano sauce and Mixed Greens, though Mixed Greens will be in shorter than desired quantities due to an unexpected frost.

My postings have been brief, cryptic, and sporadic for some time now. I have been in the process of repurposing my life, twice, and this blog as well.

Two years ago, I was ending my career as a network manager for a downtown DC law firm, and this blog was a low-impact substitute for my ancient "What's Weird On The Web?" page. When I quit, my constant immersion in the technology news stream ended, or at least subsided substantially. I'm spending less time on line, and I no longer felt the need to hunt down weird items to link to and comment on. More so, this blog is drifting toward a kind of personal diary, but that too, I hope, is temporary.

The long term goals are to remain self-sufficient, to stand up several hobbies as profitable businesses, and to try and deal with as little bullshit as necessary.

The first "next big thing" was a gardening business with a friend as a partner. It took four months for that to collapse, as my partner demonstrated he had no interest in, nor tolerance for, business. The thing is that by then, I'd been working toward that goal for well over a year, and had fully adapted my original ideas to fit within my friend's. With his departure, I decided I would be foolish to proceed as planned in his absence, but it took me quite a while to step back, revisit my original ideas, and make some decisions on how to proceed.

Instead of a fresh produce business, I'm going to go back to looking at seasonal production of packaged products. I'm continuing to scale up hot pepper and tomato gardening, intended to produce hot sauces and dried tomatoes for sale. I have tested recipes, almost a decade of experience, and wholesale distribution contacts.

I've revised the layout of the garden area, and hope to get the greenhouses in this fall, and finish it all next year except for the raised beds. I've tilled the big field and sown a pasture mix. The field will get overseeded a couple of times, or tilled under if the weeds remain uncontrollable. The northern upper field has been largely cleared, and boundaries for the hedge maze have been surveyed. It will take a decade, but if fully realized, this should be quite the wonderment. I've also begun clearing the southern upper field, and clearing the brush is revealing a lot more real estate than originally visible.

By the end of this year, I want to be getting ready for bees next spring.

At this point, I'm trying to leave any residual sniping at my former employers behind, and comment on the various agricultural and intellectual issues and concepts that interest me. You may see comments on brewing, beekeeping, ceramics and pottery, alternative energy, hedge mazes, and fruit trees, among other subjects. There may be occasional tractor stories.

I've taken no steps to publicize or promote this blog. If you are reading, let me know.

My former employer, specifically the Firm Administrator, is a coward.

I stopped working there in July of '05, a month before my negotiated departure date. I had agreed to work two days a week for two months after my resignation became effective, and without discussion, my departure date was announced as one month after. Odd to beg for a favor, then spurn half of it without discussion, but as I wanted to be gone, I didn't argue.

I elected 18 months of COBRA coverage for health care, something our administrator had never done before. She quoted me a figure in the departure interview, and two months later, followed up by email to ask why I had not paid. I explained that I had been waiting for some kind of statement or invoice, and was informed that there would be none. I did my research, and found that (indeed) this was not a legal requirement -- she was (deliberately) doing absolutely no more than required by law.

About a year after, on 6/1/06, I received an email stating that my premiums would increase EFFECTIVE 5/1/06, and listing the new premium. The retroactive rate increase was unacceptable, and I did not pay. Instead, I signed up for Blue Cross/Blue Shield directly. It took me more than four months of paperwork and a note from my doctor, but I managed to subscribe without any cooperation from my former employer, and minimal cooperation from their insurance carrier. I put all the blame on my former employer, as I found out from the insurance carrier that several things I'd been told were false, and was provided with written documentation that my Firm Administrator had been made aware of this in advance. In other words, she lied, and the insurance company proved it in writing. Knowingly.

Today, things begin to make sense again. I received a statement from the insurance carrier showing that I'd been carried for the full 18 months despite having paid for only 8. My interpretation is that the Firm Administrator was unwilling to force the issue, and hid the fact that they were paying for a former employee's insurance for a year without reimbursement.

I cannot tell whether she did this because she refused to send me anything in writing out of stubbornness, or whether she feared forcing the issue would result in her own increasingly dissatisfied management becoming aware of my true reasons for leaving (her). I am certain, however, that it was not a casual oversight.

Hopefully, the same reasons that kept me insured for almost a year without any payment or collections activity will keep her from sending me a cumulative bill now that I'm off the policy.

From what I hear through the grapevine, I think that if she's fool enough to try, I can end her career. What I hear is that management is increasingly dissatisfied with her, but is waiting for the original name partner to retire before ousting her. Probably to be replaced by the current managing partner's secretary, which is how she originally came to the job.

For the record, I believe the real problem is the new managing partner, who delegated virtually all oversight of the Firm Administrator into oblivion.

Finally. I have divested myself, and no longer suffer a three-hour commute. Below expectations, but enough to settle everything with much to spare.

From the looks of it, if I'd dug in and held on, I might have made it. But why? I miss only the comforts and conveniences, and I can set about recreating those. Without crunching all the numbers, I think I've cut my cost of living by 70-80%. Whatever happens will only put more in my pocket.

I'm on the cusp of being too late to order bees for April delivery, and I'm not ready. I'll spend the year getting ready, and order bees 11 months from now.

Next week, I should be starting seeds for hot peppers, tomatoes, marigolds, and cactus. Next month, I should be starting to till the big field for clover planting.

A year ago, I knew where I was going, and I was wrong. Now, I'm not so sure, but I'm convinced I'm right.

The end of the year would appear to presage the arrival of clarity.

The house in Arlington is under contract, and I have 30 days to finish moving out and find or make places to fit everything. I think I'll end up with the woodworking shop tools in storage until I build a new barn next Spring.

Had I spiffed up the house and sold it at my first opportunity, I'd probably have made $100K more than it looks like now. As it is, though, I can't complain (though sometimes I still do) -- the property has more than tripled in value over the last 12 years. For now, I end up debt-free again, and with a bunch of extra cash in the bank, just not the mad money I'd dreamt of.

For Spring, I want to fence, plow and subdivide the lower field, and plant crops of clover, hot peppers and bees, and also refence the paddock and put in a new storage barn. Beyond that, I'm hoping to put up a few greenhouses, even if they're temporary.

Most of the immediate decisions have been made, and the path is now largely clear.

Having had my erstwhile business partner abandon me, I've been reconstructing the solo effort I had originally envisioned. Having had no immediate success, and considering the need was abandoned with the planned business model, I'll be selling the house in Arlington as quickly as possible, then regrouping through the winter. In the spring, not only do I need to start plowing fields and installing fences, I also need to be putting up greenhouses and looking for a new house near Cumberland.

So a bout of moving, and I'm back where I was a year ago, with a different house and a bigger pile of stuff. In the year, I've managed a lot of work on the ranch, but from a business perspective, the first year was largely a waste.

Solo, the time line stretches.

Further changes force me to recoil and reconsider. Requesting a plan leaves a larger void. Retrace to first determinant branch and reconsider all subsequent choices. Hope for resolution by Labor Day.

My neighbor has a fembot, and I'm jealous. He spends all his time waxing and washing vehicles, and she keeps bringing him cool refreshing drinks and walking like a super-stacked robot with a large blonde wig.

There have been no postings for a while because I have been in the process of becoming. I am currently taking shape, and am beginning to prepare for emergence. If you are watching, let me know. Stay tuned.

Food Served in Miniature Toilet Bowls at Taiwanese Restaurant With Scatalogical Theme: "Giggling helplessly, high school student Chen Yi-lin gulps down a chocolate ice-cream sundae served in a miniature Asian-style squat toilet, and admits that she is smitten."

For your viewing pleasure, I found a version of the story with a picture. The restaurant is named Marton (chinese for "toilet"). $10 to the first person to email me pictures of their bathroom facility (NOT another picture of their dining room). Yes, I want a picture of Toilet's toilets. The real ones, not the decor.

Impotent ex-husband ordered to pay damages: "An impotent Italian man who kept his problem a secret from his wife until after their wedding must pay her damages for 'eroding' her right to have a family, Italy's Supreme Court has ruled."

This is the lawsuit. The marriage was annulled in the 90's. I can see where this would be a justification for divorce or annullment, but once that happens, I'm not sure I understand why he's liable. Limp and liable.

Man injured in domestic fight with wife: He rejected her advances before going fishing: "Richard Brown reported his wife told him that she did not want to go fishing. She allegedly proceeded to pick up a large wine glass and throw it at her husband. The glass broke and cut him behind the left leg, stated Officer Kevin Dunn in the report.

"Misty Brown allegedly picked up a broken piece of glass and threw it at her husband, according to the report. The glass cut her husband's arm. He told officers he fell to the floor bleeding and in pain and begging for his wife to help him."

So, your wife throws a wine glass at you and misses, then throws one of the pieces at you and hits you in the arm. Somehow, he ends up on the floor begging for help. Bullshit. I'm not saying those things didn't happen, but it is wildly improbable that those actions resulted in injuries requiring police, hospitals, and arrest warrants. What really happened?

Army pair's tactics eyed: Student-led sting ensnarls recruiters: "The report featured David McSwane, an Arvada West High School honors student and editor of his school newspaper, who was 'curious' to see what recruiters at a Golden recruitment facility would do if he told them he wanted to join the Army as a high school dropout with a serious marijuana problem.
...
"Starting in January, McSwane met with two recruiters in Golden several times and secretly taped a series of phone calls with them. On the tapes, one recruiter is apparently heard encouraging McSwane to create a fake high school diploma to cover for the fact that he had dropped out.

"'It can be like Faith Hill Baptist School or something - whatever you choose,' the recruiter said.

"McSwane said he bought a phony diploma, complete with a transcript, from a Web site for $200. He was told that it passed the Army's academic evaluation.
...
"McSwane got a friend to film another recruiter driving him to a store to purchase a detoxification kit to rid his system of supposed marijuana traces."

To be fair, I worked as a recruiter briefly. "Answering the phone, putting people on hold, and putting people in the Navy." Drug waivers were all but rubber-stamp as long as the applicant didn't test positive. I saw some questionable things done by people who would have to pack up their family and move if they didn't make their quota, but never anything that rose to this level.

2 Winona High students put free speech to the test: "Two Winona High School students have found themselves in hot water with school officials.

"Why? Because after Carrie Rethlefsen attended a performance of the play 'The Vagina Monologues' last month, she and Emily Nixon wore buttons to school that read: 'I [heart] My Vagina.'

"School leaders said that the pin is inappropriate and that the discomfort it causes trumps the girls' right to free speech. The girls disagree. And despite repeated threats of suspension and expulsion, Rethlefsen has continued to wear her button."

Whenever the principal's quote begins "We support free speech, but..." you have to call them on it. Either they do, or they don't. In this case, unless they want to take the stand that the word "vagina" is inherently offensive, they're fucked. Once you start taking issue with political statements, like wearing black armbands in protest, you lose.

Wild, wild world of island golfing: "There were two alligators near the green on Robber's Row golf course when Parris, who happened to be golfing without his glasses that day, teed off. The ball bounced once about 2 feet before landing directly on one of the reptiles' tails, Lindon said.

"'Unbelievable,' Lindon said with a laugh. 'It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. The alligator didn't move an inch.'

"When Parris saw where the ball landed, he wasn't tempted to remove it from the gator's tail. He put down a new ball and, in compliance with course rules, wasn't penalized a stroke for the drop."

Two things stand out. First, (there's a pic) the ball looks eminently playable. Dangerous, yes, but how often do you get to use an aligator as a tee? Second, the course has rules that govern this. I wonder how far from the aligator you're allowed to drop your ball?

Disputed Afghan pipeline reviewed: "Afghanistan has said it is capable of protecting a long-delayed multi-billion dollar pipeline that will bring natural gas from Turkmenistan to Pakistan, and possibly to neighbouring India."

What they don't mention is the backstory. This was a Unocal project. The chief lobbyist for the project was Hamid Karzai. It has been suggested that promoting the pipeline project had as much to do with our invasion of Afghanistan as did the Taliban's harboring of bin Laden. It almost entirely explains Karzai's appointment as president.

Marijuana as medicine: The active ingredient of cannabis may protect against heart disease and strokes: "... a paper in this week's Nature, by Sabine Steffens of Geneva University Hospital and her colleagues, suggests the drug (or, at least, its active ingredient) may also have a role in combating heart disease and strokes."

Obviously, Dr. Stephens is a terrorist. Everyone knows marijuana is a tool of the devil, and illegal drugs only fund terror. Or, as The Buggles put it, "they'll send the heart police to put you under cardiac arrest."

A tale of customer service, justice and currency as funny as a $2 bill: "PUT YOURSELF in Mike Bolesta's place. On the morning of Feb. 20, he buys a new radio-CD player for his 17-year-old son Christopher's car. He pays the $114 installation charge with 57 crisp new $2 bills, which, when last observed, were still considered legitimate currency in the United States proper. The $2 bills are Bolesta's idea of payment, and his little comic protest, too.

"For this, Bolesta, Baltimore County resident, innocent citizen, owner of Capital City Student Tours, finds himself under arrest."

I like $2 bills. I have a whole sheet of them at home. I'm amazed that anyone who is assigned as a cashier or store manager doesn't know what denominations are legal tender. Not only should Best Buy give him a refund, they should give him anything in the store. The manager and cashier should be fired, and the cop should be reprimanded.

Better yet, give him 57 Best Buy gift cards for his students, too.

When nature calls, cell phone owners should answer carefully: "Vince Ingrilli Jr. of Vince Ingrilli & Sons Plumbing Co. in Wauwatosa, said that his shop has pulled mobile phones out of toilets over the years, mostly in local restaurants and bars.

'It happens late at night,' Ingrilli said. 'We get the call in the morning. They don't always tell you what is down there.

'You might be in and out of there in a half-hour if you can pop it out from the top,' said Ingrilli, whose family has been in business for about 50 years. 'If you can't see it or it lodges in the throat of the bowl, you're going to need to replace the whole thing.'

Ingrilli said that sometimes a stuck phone can be melted out by heating up a probe that plumbers use and snaking it down the drain.

'It's good for getting other things out, too,' he said."

Just one more thing for the Tidy Bowl Man to worry about...

City toilets rise to the occasion: "Futuristic toilets which rise out of the ground could be used to tackle the problem of men urinating in the street."

Leave it to the BBC to make this story boring. Thankfully, when that happens, there's always The Register to turn to. According to El Reg: "Unless you live in Aberdeen, in which case we advise you to take your chances indoors. The reason? Battalions of remote-controlled stealth cyberloos disguised as manhole covers but capable of rising from the pavement in seconds and devouring up to three urinating Scotsmen in one vicious attack.

"We kid you not. Aberdeen City Council is considering installing two 6ft "Urilift" retractable cubicles in response to a reported lack of late-night toilet facilities. Naturally, it's not enough to knock up a traditional, brick-built Caledonian crapper. Nope, what Aberdeen needs a is hydraulically-powered cyberbog operated by "council employees" from a remote command centre."

U.S. Probes Sale of GM Corn: "The experimental seed, called Bt 10, distributed primarily in the United States by Swiss firm Syngenta, is not believed to pose a safety risk to humans or the environment, according to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. However, critics of genetically modified foods say the incident is a wake-up call to regulators who have not done enough to monitor the industry."

There are those who suggest that the GM seed companies want their seeds to get into the wild. In Canada, Monsanto has successfully sued farmers who never purchased their seeds, and who deny planting modified crops, when modified (and patented) stock was found in their fields. If enough wind-borne infiltration occurs, Monsanto would (legally) be able to compell all farmers to buy their seed.

There is nothing in this article to suggest that Syngenta did this intentionally, but the effects may be significant as some of the crop was exported to the EU, where political resistance to GM crops is rampant and at times extreme. That Syngenta is a Swiss firm (an EU member state) will probably not matter...

Teen wins lawsuit about dress code: "Fort Wayne Community Schools officials violated an Elmhurst High School student’s free-speech rights when they suspended him for wearing a T-shirt bearing the likeness of an M-16 rifle and the text of the Marine Corps creed, a federal court ruled Friday.

"The district suspended Nelson Griggs in March 2003 for violating a provision of the school dress code that prohibits students from wearing clothing depicting “symbols of violence.”"

Hmmm... Aparently a gun is not a symbol of violence. We should reconsider what constitutes a symbol of violence. If students are prohibited from wearing clothing depicting symbols of violence, they should also be prohibited from wearing American flags or peace signs (inverted broken cross).

Czech outfit punts big mobe for old people: "Etc, etc. Truth be told, we at El Reg can see no difference between this and cheap, readily-available big-key conventional phones, except that the GDP-02 has no wires so it's much easier to drag down the Post Office on pension day. It must be this which has reportedly contributed to 100,000 advance orders for the GrannyMobe, 7,000 of which have been delivered to an unnamed mobe operator."

The picture makes you wonder. I'm not sure this is progress, but it does fill a necessary niche. If POTS is ever to die, we need big bulky mobile phones with huge buttons. You can call it wireless, but don't call it cordless...

Customer banished after hurling Egg McMuffin: "Ottawa County sheriff's Deputy Brent Converse, who handled the call, said the man let frustration get the better of him. 'He returned the sandwich, but not the way he should have,' he said."

The agreed-upon facts are that he was not happy with his order, and returned it in an inappropriate manner.

I have questions. If you can be charged with assault for throwing your sandwich at its maker, doesn't that say as much about the sandwich and its maker as about the thrower? What some used to consider a proper motivation for service excellence, others now consider a matter for law enforcement. Isn't any damage done by (alledgedly cold) egg in your hair far smaller than the damage of publicizing that your restaurant's service drives people to such acts?

My advice? Eat the sandwich, puke on their counter. I have yet to see a successful prosecution of a food-rage incident involving the regurgitation of the food item in question.

Budding cyber love ends in divorce: "A budding romance between a Jordanian man and woman turned into an ugly public divorce when the couple found out that they were in fact man and wife, state media reported on Sunday.

"Separated for several months, boredom and chance briefly re-united Bakr Melhem and his wife Sanaa in an internet chat room, the official Petra news agency said."

We're perfect for each other -- we're both liars and we're both already married.

What the Super Bowl can teach us about men touching men: "The rules are long and often make no sense, but they can be simplified into a male touching playbook.

1. It's less awkward to embrace when lots of men are around: Two uncivilized heterosexual guys alone in a room never know what to say to each other, and will almost never hug lest someone walk in and assume they're lovers. But as more people are watching, they're willing to experiment with arms around the shoulders, playful ruffling of hair and other friendly physical contact.

2. The manlier the activity, the more spontaneous touching is acceptable: This is something men experience when playing sports, drinking low-quality beer and engaging in other bonding rituals. I recall a recent Las Vegas bachelor party where no one got a lap dance, but a hotel-streaking incident turned into a weekend-long all-male group discussion on the tightness of each other's posteriors.

3. In moments of extreme happiness, stress and imminent peril, embracing another man is OK: In other words, while it may create an awkward situation to give another man a little sugar when he's departing for the supermarket, a hug is a wonderful thing if someone is leaving for an independent contracting job in Fallujah."

Football has to be a close second to professional wrestling when it comes to homoerotic overtones. Anyone want to turn this into a drinking game?

FBI chides Hotmail and Yahoo! for sidestepping UK laws: "Ed Gibson, FBI special agent and assistant legal attache of the US Embassy in London, said international ISPs operating in the UK used their international presence as an excuse for not complying with British laws.

'With Hotmail and Yahoo! you can't get data using RIPA [the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act] because information is stored in the US,' Gibson said. 'Why aren't ISPs required to comply with the laws of this country?'"

Two US companies with services available in the UK. The FBI in the UK is complaining that the US companies don't fall completely under the UK RIPA Act because (surprise) the data is stored in the US.

Why is a US law enforcement agency pursuing US companies in the UK? Why not pursue them in the US directly? The inference is that there's some reason why they can't, and that they're going after them in the UK to circumvent US laws.

Tests indicate Viagra may aid enlarged hearts: "Viagra may aid in the treatment of enlarged hearts that can result from high blood pressure, tests on animals indicate.

"Plans are under way for a trial to determine if similar results occur in humans given the drug widely used to treat erectile dysfunction."

Hmmm... Let's review the history of Viagra, shall we? What later became Viagra started life as an experimental heart medication. It was not very effective at its intended purpose, but during animal testing, technicians noticed a common side effect among the male monkeys. It wasn't too long before they stopped testing it as a heart medication and started testing it as a "boner pill."

So it is not surprising that years later, they find it works in narrow circumstances as a marginally-effective, short-term heart medication. It ought to. The only allusion to this in the article is: "White, who was not part of Kass’ research team, noted that sildenafil originally was discovered by researchers studying blood pressure and heart disease."

Talk about missing the story.

Lawmaker wants theaters honest about movie start times: "Frustrated with lengthy advertisements and previews that delay movies and chew up viewing time, a state lawmaker wants theaters to be honest about when a movie actually starts."

It's called SHOWTIME folks -- it's when the show starts, of which the feature is the main attraction. I'd like to send a big shout out to Texas State Rep. Andrew Fleischmann -- you, sir, are an idiot. Of all the petty, insignificant things to complain about.

Now, think about it. If Rep. Idiot gets his way, those of us who arrive on time will be bothered and disturbed by all the other idiots who arrive in a dark theatre and try to find seats. That makes me send another big shout out to Landmark Theatres (owners of the River Oaks Theatres in Houston), who will not seat you after the show has started. Anyone who wants to contribute to a gift of Landmark passes for Rep. Fleischmann, let me know.

Good eye for the gay guy?: "Sebastian White, 22, says he knows many people whose gaydar goes off a little too often. Why?

'Because,' he says, 'the city has such a significant population of Europeans and metrosexuals, two groups notorious for causing gaydar to be wrong.'"

I think the unspoken undertheme is that the only reason gaydar worked in the first place is that (on average) Americans are so righteously homophobic that the exceptions make themselves obvious.

My gaydar works better in San Francisco than Oklahoma, but was pretty much useless in Amsterdam. Does that mean Oklahoma is full of metrosexuals?

Driver in grisly suicide: "A suicidal New Jersey man set a new standard for self-inflicted brutality when he decapitated himself by driving away from a light post with a rope tied around his neck."

Finally, an original idea.

Ohio pulls plug on electronic voting: "The battle is over and electronic voting machines, at least in Ohio, are dead.

After years of wrangling and protests, Secretary of State Ken Blackwell announced Wednesday that he will limit Ohio's uncompleted voting-machine conversion to a single device: the precinct-count optical-scan machine.

The decision effectively sidelines the embattled touch-screen voting machines that protesters portrayed as razor-toothed, vote-eating monsters prone to hacking."

A very interesting development in the home state of Diebold Election Systems, from a Republican Secretary of State who chaired Bush's Ohio re-election campaign.

Christian Group Drops Indonesia Orphanage Plan: "An evangelical Christian charity has dropped plans to settle 50 Muslim children orphaned by the Asian tsunami in a Christian-run home after the Indonesian government blocked the move, the group said on Thursday. "

Hmmm... Kinda flies in the face of the statements that it had been approved, doesn't it? I also notice the number plummeted from 300 to 50 -- possibly the difference between how many they planned and how many they had (apparently) already kidnapped.

Group Says It Relocated 300 Orphans: "Brewer said the Indonesian government gave permission for the orphans to be flown to Jakarta last week and was aware that they would be raised as Christians.

['We have no knowledge of this,' Foreign Ministry spokesman Marty Natalegawa said today in Jakarta. 'If confirmed, this would constitute a serious violation of the standing ban by the Indonesian government on the adoption of Acehnese children affected by the tsunami disaster and appropriate steps would be taken accordingly.' He added that he did not believe any Indonesian official would have approved the transfer of the children.]"

Now with links to the source article not just the highlight. Here's the answer to the question posed below.

For tsunami orphans, a Christian home: "A Virginia-based missionary group said this week that it has airlifted 300 'tsunami orphans' from the Muslim province of Banda Aceh to Jakarta, the Indonesian capital, where it plans to raise them in a Christian children's home."

In the long run, I don't know which is more traumatic, losing your parents in a cataclysm or being raised by Baptists. I was raised by Baptists. One thing the article does not appear to address is how the group gained legal custody of the 300 orphans, leaving the impression that they just grabbed them.

That impression is defended obliquely:"These are children who are unclaimed or unwanted. We are not trying to rip them apart from any existing family members and change their culture and change their customs," he said. "These children are going to be raised in a Christian environment. That's no guarantee they will choose to be Christians."

Pair arrested after telling lawyer jokes: "'They put the handcuffs on us, brought us into a room, frisked us, sat us down and checked our driver's licenses to see if there were any warrants out for our arrest,' Lanzisera said yesterday. 'They were very nasty, extremely nasty.'"

Not as obvious as it sounds. The two are anti-lawyer activists. The court alleges they were causing a disturbance and being abusive. Their complaint this day appears to have been that lawyers with security passes could walk right in, while the "peasants" had to wait in line. That's as much a privilige for lawyers as it is common sense -- give passes to the people who frequent the courthouse, but make the occasional visitors go through the full screening. The article notes, however, that there was a lawyer in line a few people ahead of them, so not all lawyers get passes.

Ouch. I cut my finger with a power saw and had to go to the emergency room. I missed two weeks work. I'd taken the first week off to do home improvements, and cut my finger two hours in.

For two weeks, my life was an endless series of repeating 4-hour cycles. Feel pain, take pill, wait 30 minutes, stare into space for 60-90 minutes, realize I've been staring into space for 60-90 minutes, start to feel pain, wait in pain until I can take more pills, then repeat.

For the first two days I was on percosets and life wasn't so bad. Two percosets knock me out and I was able to get some sleep. After that, they had me on vicodin. I hate vicodin. It upsets my stomach after I take it, it doesn't do much for my pain, and I can't get any sleep. So I call and complain, asking for more percosets. Their solution? More vicodin, at twice the dose. Unfortunately, that's no improvement -- given the limits, if I take any more than I had been, I'll have one or more 4-hour cycles where I can't take any. I start cutting the pills in half and taking them on a 2-hour cycle, trying to overlap doses to avoid the stomach upset, and get around the fact that the vicodin wears off an hour before I can take next dose on a 4-hour cycle.

So when I go back to get the stitches out, I again complain about the vicodin. So they put me on oxycontin instead. Great, now I'm on Rush Limbaugh drugs. Oxycontin doesn't just upset my stomach, it makes me vomit after taking it. If I can't keep it down, I have to wait twelve hours before I can take more. I've had to swallow a load of bile while driving to work more than once. I've puked on myself in the shower, and decoated my office at work. Worse, oxycontin is no more effective than the Vicodin was, but at least it's on a 12-hour dose so I can try to sleep. I have enough oxycontin for another couple of days, then hopefully I can get by on naproxen. I don't think I'll miss the oxycontin.

Every one of these pain killers has severe alcohol interaction warnings. I haven't had a drink in over two weeks. I'm going to a concert tonight, so I think I'm going to find out if alcohol can substitute for oxycontin. Given that I'm going to see Chuck Brown and George Clinton on Friday, and I'll be out of oxycontin by then, I hope so.

MSNBC - Settlers compare Gaza pullout to Holocaust: Uproar over campaign, which includes wearing of orange stars:The comparison dominated public debate Tuesday. Images of a Gaza woman wearing the star on her lapel ran on the front page of one Israeli newspaper, and Israeli radio shows discussed the settler campaign nonstop.

“This is a very troubling comparison,” Shevah Weiss, a Holocaust survivor and former parliament speaker, told Israel’s Army Radio.

"The Nazis put Jews “into gas chambers, killing them, crushing their bones, spreading the remains in great piles all over Europe,” he said. “What is going on here?”

Some people suffer from a lack of perspective. Government relocation of settlements built in defiance of UN Security Council resolutions is not the same as forced extermination. Those who imply that it is both disregard history and disserve the future. They may feel that they are being done an injustice, but they are not being led to the showers. I look at the pictures of the children wearing their orange stars, and it frightens me that they may grow up believing that political eviction is the same as genocide.

Zamboni explodes; fire destroys arena: "A Duluth hockey arena was destroyed and at least two people suffered minor injuries Sunday night after a Zamboni ice-resurfacing machine exploded during a broomball game, starting a major fire and sending players and spectators fleeing."

When Zambonis Attack! I've heard of arenas burning before, but I've never heard of an exploding Zamboni before now. No mention on the Zamboni web site...

Cannibal's Victim 'Tasted Like Lamb': "A Mexican accused of killing, cooking and eating his companion acknowledged having committed the crime and said the victim “tasted like lamb.”

“If they’d let me, I would have eaten it all,” said Gumaro de Dios Arias, following a court appearance in Playa de Carmen, about 36 miles south of the Caribbean resort of Cancun.

Hey, I thought everything unfamiliar tasted like chicken. Who knew Mexicans taste like lamb?

At Miss Cass Pageant, Disabled Contestants Bask in the Spotlight: "Each year, the pageant's audience is effusively supportive, though the crowd can't help but giggle as the contestants, ages 21 to 75, sing off-key or struggle through halting knock-knock jokes. The interview portion is simple. One contestant last year was asked, 'What is your favorite color?' She responded, 'chicken,' and everyone laughed."

The picture says almost as much as the article.

It's not easy being green for homeowner: "The police made Mata move the truck because of an ordinance that bans trucks from being parked in residential areas. But there's no ordinance that restricts what color people can paint their houses, city administrator Larry McCasland says. 'It's crazy, isn't it?' McCasland says, laughing."

This is my type of guy. They say his truck is ugly and they make him move it, so he paints his house fluorescent green. "Well, I thought if they said, 'The truck's an eyesore,' I'd give them a real eyesore."

Roger, 933 is clear for landing: "Not too many people know Craig Miers, of Windham, N.H., but he became an instant hero here Tuesday afternoon. Miers, 25, did what most pilots hope they never have to do: make an emergency landing in a bustling commercial area at lunchtime.

'He told me he got it over an intersection and dove it under some power lines,' Miers' father, Stephen Miers, of New Hampshire, said in a telephone interview. The 'intersection' turned out to be the northbound lane of Indiana 933, just a few feet from a Howard Johnson Inn's entrance and directly across the street from the Heaven & Earth shop, where a sign out front urges visitors to 'come in be inspired.'"

You hope you never have to do this. You hope that if you ever do, you manage to pull it off this well. The pilot clipped a wing, and cut a power line. Safe landing on a busy street at lunchtime. Damn.

Four-foot python found in box with returned DVD!: "Two weeks ago, employees at a Samsung facility in Secaucus opened a box with a returned DVD player in it - only to find a four-foot-long python inside as well.

They were sure that a disgruntled customer had sent it back, so they notified the police as well as animal control. But as the mystery uncoiled, they realized they had jumped to conclusions.

This is the story of Paco.

This is the story of how a three-year-old snake journeyed alone, 1,078 miles from Jefferson City, Mo., almost to New York City - a trip that took him less than a week to complete. "

This isn't exactly the same as the story of the UPS guy who shipped himself home to Texas -- this is the story of a snake that shipped itself to New Jersey.

Vt. gov. wants nude statue out of Statehouse: "Gov. James Douglas is doing some tidying up in his office and one thing he thinks can go is a table lamp that sometimes makes him red-faced.

"The lamp, installed on his desk recently as part of a Statehouse restoration project, is a replica of a famous 19th century nude statue that cost $2,500 and is plugged into an overhead chandelier."

What is it with republicans and nudity? He asks how he'd explain it to a third-grader. Why should you have to? Considering that the original "became an icon of the abolitionist movement," why wouldn't you want to?

Va. man ordered to pay damages for motel mess: "Chamberlain was charged May 10 after he coated every object in a Motel 6 room in the Town of Chenango with petroleum jelly, Broome County sheriff's deputies said."

Why? They didn't ask, and he didn't tell.

For doting parents, gold-plated umbilical cords: "Forget desktop photographs of your children. Doting South Korean parents can preserve their child’s umbilical cord in acrylic resin to make a personal seal or even have it gold plated.

"In this Confucian society where family values are highly prized, suppliers also offer services for parents to have traditional Korean calligraphy brushes made from their child’s hair."

They do a reasonable job at explaining what, but hardly even attempt why.

BUSH OR BUST: "Debbie Dupeire was so intent on helping to re-elect the president Tuesday that she shucked her Bush-Cheney T-shirt and voted in her bra after being told that state election law prohibits displaying a candidate's name in a polling place."

"So Dupeire pulled off the offending red-white-and-blue shirt and marched into the booth at Deckbar Elementary School clad in her white sports bra, exercise pants and flip-flops."

No, you don't get the picture you wanted, you get the t-shirt.

Three Sentenced for Providing Sex on a Golf Course: "Riverside County sheriff's deputies, dressed in camouflage and equipped with binoculars, were in the surrounding hills monitoring the June 14 tournament. Deputies raided the event, detaining 90 golfers, 17 strippers and prostitutes and several golf course employees. Two male golfers were convicted of engaging in prostitution, and Angie Peraza, the mother of the 16-year-old prostitute, faces charges of prostitution and child endangerment."

Finally, something with the potential to get ME interested in golf!

Pizza deliveryman attacked by gang of pumpkin-wielding thugs: "Fifteen to 20 unknown subjects hit a Papa Romeo's deliveryman with a pumpkin Sunday night while he was bringing a pizza to an Evanston home, said Cmdr. Joe Bellino of Evanston Police Department.

The subjects then stole the man's car and crashed it into a fence, Bellino said."

Assault with a deadly pumpkin. Grand theft pizza. It's Halloween.

Man's beating of wife caused crash, police say: "Csapo was accused of punching his wife while they drove back from an Amherst restaurant early Sunday morning. His wife told police that he pulled over, punched her in the face, continued driving and continued beating her. After she jumped into the back seat, he followed her there. The vehicle crashed into heavy brush about 10 to 15 feet off the road."

They released his wife. It's one thing to fight while driving, another thing to hit your wife, and utterly absurd to dive into the back seat to fight with her as the car keeps moving.

Man suing over display some found too spooky: "A former Addison firefighter said he put up plywood 'tombstones' in his Bloomingdale front yard as Halloween decor. But the names he wrote next to 'R.I.P.' were carefully chosen in mocking protest of neighbors who pressured him to get rid of the RV parked at his house."

First names only, and with witty epitaphs. This sure ought to be a slam-dunk -- shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Wired moose: "It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a bull moose hanging by its antlers from an electrical power line in the middle of the Alaska wilderness.

In one of those only-in-Alaska stories that will shock even the sourest of sourdoughs, a trophy-sized bull moose was accidentally strung up in a power line under construction to the Teck Pogo gold mine southeast of Fairbanks. The moose apparently got its antlers tangled in electrical wire before workers farther down the line pulled the line tight about two weeks ago."

I thought Rocky was the flying one, not Bullwinkle. Then again, he didn't start out flying. Sad ending, but a uniquely strange story...

Bullies at the Voting Booth: "What if Republican shenanigans tip the election? Many members of the media are looking at the dangers voting machines may pose to the integrity of the national election. Others are wondering whether voters may be disenfranchised by use of faulty felon lists, as happened in Florida in 2000. But there is another danger: Republicans may use a variety of tactics to suppress the vote of racial minorities in swing states. These tactics could determine control of the White House or the Senate."

This one points to more dirty tricks by Republicans than by Democrats, and that makes me somewhat suspicious. However, here's a guide to disenfranchisement, machine style.

The Strange Case of the Shocker: "It is a gesture meant to indicate a sexual act, wherein the first and second fingers enter a vagina, while the errant pinky plunges into the anus; hence the 'shock'. The gesture, the province of minds quite filthy in nature, has taken on other, more explicit names: 'Two in the pink and one in the stink', 'two in the coot and one in the boot', 'going to town with one in the brown'. Yes, quite rude, quite crude... but a minimal impact, considering its relative obscurity and difficult explanation. You can imagine Cokefair's eyes tearing up with anger as he flipped through the photographs; smiling faces, blushing with youth and vitality, innocently holding up a signal representing digital sodomy and sexual manipulation. The despair in the room, the struggle to decide what to do, must have been palpable."

Ironic, but the thing that scares Principal Cokefair gives me hope. Check out a few of the pictures, including the girl who gets it wrong with one hand while her two friends get it right with both hands. They're 'happy together'...

Kids Visit Margaritaville - September 29, 2004: "SEPTEMBER 29--Earlier this month, the staff, faculty, and Board of Trustees at Virginia's private Alexandria Country Day School had a Mexican-themed dinner complete with some tasty margaritas. For some reason, the leftover hooch was placed in a school refrigerator. You can probably guess what's coming next. On September 10, the booze was mistaken for 'limeade' by school workers and actually served at lunch to students in the third, fourth, and fifth grades."

This happened in my back yard. It's interesting to note that, for once, those who made an honest mistake and admitted it haven't (yet) been sued. I'll take my limeade frozen, no salt.

White Castle lawsuit has familiar ring: "If you thought White Castle's Slyders are tough on your body, wait till you try the onion rings, according to a lawsuit that calls the rings 'unreasonably dangerous.'

Michael Strauss, of Chicago, filed suit on Wednesday against the burger company, alleging he suffered 'great pain and anguish in mind and body' when he bit into an onion ring two years ago and 'scalding hot grease splattered out and onto' his arm, 'scalding and severely burning him.'

Strauss wants more than $50,000 for the 'severe and permanent injuries' he suffered after ordering White Castle 'onion rings that were in an unreasonably dangerous and defective condition.'"

I've never understood why people order things that have been boiled or deep-fried and expect them not to be hot. Whether oil or water, boiling is hot, and is cause for careful handling, not lawsuits. "Welcome to SafetyBurger, where all food is served at room temperature."

Puppet Sex Leads to Rating Rift

"It's something we all did as kids with Barbie and Ken dolls," said Trey Parker, the film's director and co-creator of the animated TV show "South Park." "The whole joke of it is that it's just two dolls flopping around on each other. You see the hinges on their legs. [The MPAA] read into it way more than we ever did…. They said you can't do anything but missionary position."

Visions of lesbian barbie vs. the MPAA...

Let a Thousand Reactors Bloom: "Explosive growth has made the People's Republic of China the most power-hungry nation on earth. Get ready for the mass-produced, meltdown-proof future of nuclear energy."
...
"Opposition to nuclear energy is based on irrational fear fed by Hollywood-style fiction, the Green lobbies, and the media. … Even if they were right about its dangers - and they are not - its worldwide use as our main source of energy would pose an insignificant threat compared with the dangers of intolerable and lethal heat waves and sea levels rising to drown every coastal city of the world. We have no time to experiment with visionary energy sources; civilization is in imminent danger and has to use nuclear, the one safe, available energy source, now, or suffer the pain soon to be inflicted by our outraged planet."

So, China has discovered the pebble-bed modular reactor, and is poised to mass-produce them before the originators even secure funding and permits for their test site, which they've been pursuing since 1993.

The quote comes from the inventor of the GAIA hypothesis. If the Chinese are doing nuclear power in a way that the greenest of greens will endorse, the rest of the world should pay attention.

And no, the PBMR is not one of the reference designes endorsed by the Bush administration. So there's no way to fast-track it in the US.

Bacon Club: "Here's what you get:
- A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months*
- Informative notes on all bacon selections
- Discounts on Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
- Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
- The Bacon Strip - our monthly bacon comic strip for members only
- The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
- A Little Rubber Toy Pig
- One free Bacon Tee Shirt
- A recipe each month using the bacon selection"

I've seen many X of the month clubs, but this is new to me. Also check out their air fresheners and soap. Don't worry, the soap only looks like bacon.

Little remains after package hits rooftop: "A dead man's relatives lose their grip while attempting to scatter his ashes from a moving airplane "

As anyone who's seen "The Big Lebowski" can attest, you should always plan the scattering of ashes carefully beforehand.

Harshness of red marks has students seeing purple: "A mix of red and blue, the color purple embodies red's sense of authority but also blue's association with serenity, making it a less negative and more constructive color for correcting student papers, color psychologists said. Purple calls attention to itself without being too aggressive. And because the color is linked to creativity and royalty, it is also more encouraging to students.

"'The concept of purple as a replacement for red is a pretty good idea,' said Leatrice Eiseman, director of the Pantone Color Institute in Carlstadt, N.J, and author of five books on color. 'You soften the blow of red. Red is a bit over-the-top in its aggression.'"

Me thinks the meaning is getting lost along the way. Red is for mistakes. Blue is for annotations. Purple blurs the distinction, making the mistakes seem less wrong somehow. This doesn't make corrections made in purple any less valid, but sometimes you really want a color that screams out WRONG!

A new 'Bushism': We're gonna get us: "'Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we,' Bush said. 'They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.'"

Truth. Things don't have to be A or B, they can be both. This was a mistake. That doesn't make it false.

Quad-City Times Newspaper Online - the Quad-Cities Home Page: "Three armed robbers sought a presidential-sized distraction Wednesday morning, hitting three Davenport banks during downtown campaign stops by President Bush and U.S. Sen. John Kerry.

"Police said the robbers might have believed traffic and crowd control at the visits would leave police shorthanded elsewhere, police said."

Tonight on "When Candidates Attack!": See Bush dis Kerry. See Kerry ask Bush to come and talk. See Bush challenge Kerry to talk, then leave town. See Kerry's bus convoy drive right past Bush's event. Meanwhile, watch robbers knock over three banks while everyone's distracted.

I don't see how this is good for our country.

US terror alert becomes political football: "If anyone is wondering why terrorism, and especially attacks at home, should have been so fully hyped on such thin evidence, it's useful to consider the news cycle.

"Last week, John Kerry did a surprisingly good job of introducing himself to the nation as a plausible replacement for Bush. Last week, a devastating car bomb claimed the lives of 68 Iraqis, just as US Secretary of State Colin Powell was in country to deliver several absurdly optimistic speeches. Christian churches in Iraq have for the first time become the targets of terrorist attacks, in which eleven lives have so far been claimed. And the infamous Abu Ghraib Military Police unit has just returned Stateside to answer charges of torture.

"Not to put too fine a point on it, last week sucked for the Bush Administration. It's no wonder, then, that a multi-city security rain dance should be choreographed - no wonder that police in paramilitary jumpsuits and helmets and boots should appear on the streets and in the subways with fully automatic weapons. It's no wonder that streets should be closed to traffic and cars stopped at random. The rest of the news is just too depressing."

Or, as Jon Stewart put it on The Daily Show, "On the subject of the convention, most observers agreed last week that it brought a newly energized Democratic party, one focused on a common goal. With the Democratic party now in the spotlight, many people are wondering, ..., yes, ..., oh, this just in, TERROR WARNING! I guess we'll have to stop talking about the Democrats."

Man falls into 6-foot septic tank, drowns
: "A 45-year-old western York County man drowned in his septic tank Tuesday in a case the county coroner called one of the most unusual he's ever investigated."

There is nothing funny about this story. When someone asks "what's the worst that could happen?" you should remember this. This is NOT how I want to go.

Florida officials: Some voting records wiped out: "A computer crash erased detailed records from Miami-Dade County's first widespread use of touchscreen voting machines, raising again the specter of election troubles in Florida, where the new technology was supposed to put an end to such problems.

"The crashes occurred in May and November of 2003, erasing information from the September 2002 gubernatorial primaries and other elections, elections officials said Tuesday."

It's a valid concern, but I'm not as worried about the results disappearing after they're certified as I'd be about them disappearing before. Still, it's obvious that new isn't universally better. As we overhaul the voting systems, we will inevitably trade the old problems for new ones. If only the new ones weren't so much more frightening than the old...

Publisher peeved at political parody.: "TRO believes that the Jibjab creation threatens to corrupt Guthrie's classic -- an icon of Americana -- by tying it to a political joke; upon hearing the music people would think about the yucks, not Guthrie's unifying message. The publisher wants Jibjab to stop distribution of the flash movie.

"Of course the creators behind Jibjab don't agree.

"'We consider it a case of political satire and parody and therefore entitled to the fair use exemption of the copyright act,' said Jibjab attorney Ken Hertz."

This would be funny enough to begin with, as this is about the most obvious invocation of satire and parody possible, but it gets better. To undercut their argument comes Woody himself, with the original copyright notice:

"This song is Copyrighted in U.S., under Seal of Copyright # 154085, for a period of 28 years, and anybody caught singin it without our permission, will be mighty good friends of ourn, cause we don't give a dern. Publish it. Write it. Sing it. Swing to it. Yodel it. We wrote it, that's all we wanted to do."

Teen's Poem Not a Threat, Justices Rule: "Declaring that school safety and free speech are 'not necessarily antagonistic goals,' the California Supreme Court on Thursday unanimously overturned the felony conviction of a high school student whose violence-laced poem had been deemed a criminal threat."

Thankfully, reason returns.

Even when I was in the military, the importance of free speech was recognized. There were many, many things you couldn't say in the course of your official duties unless someone asked for your opinion. As soon as that happened, you were pretty much free to say whatever you wanted. The military understood order and discipline, but also understood that the right to freely express ones opinions was one of the things we were defending. So as soon as you were asked for an opinion, you could speak freely.

A lot of people have trouble telling fantasy from reality. An overwhelming majority doesn't. This is not the tyranny of the majority, this is the majority apeasing the minority because it's politically incorrect to point out their failings. Finally, the court puts it back on track -- poetry isn't inherently threatening, no matter who feels threatened by it.

'NOTAG' tags bring flood of tickets: "Jim Cara wanted a vanity license tag that would make people laugh. But when he chose 'NOTAG' for the plate on his Suzuki Hayabusa, a sleek blue and silver motorcycle with a speedometer that reaches 220 mph, the joke backfired.

"The new tag arrived Saturday under an avalanche of Wilmington parking violations. 'All the traffic tickets say, 'Notice of violation. License number: no tag,' ' Cara said. City computers, talking to state Division of Motor Vehicles computers, had finally found an address for ticketed vehicles that lacked license tags: Cara's home in Elsmere.

"'I messed up the system so bad,' Cara said. 'I wonder if they can put me in jail or something?' He has received more than 200 violation notices. The mail carrier came twice on Saturday. Cara opened a few. They ranged from $55 to $125 for violations such as meter expirations."

Computers are stupid. They do what they're told. Sometimes programmers seem the same.

Outage reports spur national security debate: "The Federal Communications Commission believes the public outage reports, required since the early 1990s, have helped to dramatically improve network quality. But the rule applies only to landline companies, an anachronistic loophole in this age of wireless phones and voice service from the cable company. So it would make sense to expand the rule to other communications companies, right? Not so fast.

"The FCC's proposal to make that change has met with strong opposition, not only from phone companies but also from the Department of Homeland Security, which contends that the outage reports could serve as blueprints for terrorists bent on wrecking U.S. communications systems. Homeland Security wants future reports to be filed with one of its own infrastructure-monitoring bodies, the Information Sharing and Analysis Center in the National Coordinating Center for Telecommunications, and kept from public analysis. That appears to put Homeland Security at odds with New York City's telecommunications department, the National League of Cities and the Association of Public-Safety Communications Officials, which have endorsed the FCC's plan."

Another instance of secrecy where there need be none. More than any other administration in my memory, the Bush II administration classifies everything it can, and fights any attempts to declassify.

These are publicly licensed and regulated services. We have a right to this information. Could the telcos be reluctant to provide the information, and have they unleashed their lobbyists to head off sensible regulation by the FCC?

Passenger data collection plan dropped: "Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said officials had all but scrapped plans for the controversial Computer Assisted Passenger Prescreening System, known as CAPPS II, which has come under criticism from privacy advocates and some members of Congress."

"Asked whether the program could be considered dead, Ridge jokingly gestured as if he were driving a stake through its head and said: 'Yes,' USA Today reported."

Don't bet on it staying dead, but bet on it coming back with a different name. For now, it appears they'll concentrate on the opt-in frequent traveller program.

Scientists horrified by Bush's Bad Science: "The Union of Concerned Scientists (UCS), in a new report, has again expressed its feeling of 'embarrassment and disgust' over the way the Bush administration uses - or misuses - science when making policy decisions. The scientists have found that the administration often ignores the recommendations of advisory panels and 'suppresses, distorts and manipulates' scientific work. In particular, the group is concerned about Bad Science affecting environment, emergency contraception and endangered species policies.

"UCS issued a previous complaint in February with 62 signatures but has amassed over 4,000 signatures for its latest report released this month. The signers include 48 Nobel laureates, 62 National Medal of Science recipients and 127 members of the National Academy of Sciences."

Paranoia Goes Better With Coke: "There's a new security threat at some of the nation's military bases -- and it looks uncannily like a can of Coke. Specially rigged Coke cans, part of a summer promotion, contain cell phones and global positioning chips. That has officials at some installations worried the cans could be used to eavesdrop, and they are instituting protective measures."

Let's turn this around. Pack a hidden gps-enabled transmitter in a beverage container and smuggle them onto military bases hidden among other cans of soda.

Wait a minute. The US Government (not to mention many corporations) have facilities that don't officially exist, aren't open to the public, and aren't shown on any map. Most of these handle highly classified material. In many, mere possession of a cell phone or gps locator could get you arrested, or worse. A bevy of coke-heads converging on a covert location to offer some PFC a prize might just as easily get themselves shot.

It's a clever gimick, but also a security risk.

Florida Told to Open Voter List: "In the lawsuit, the state cited a 2001 law that protects the state's Central Voter Database from being copied. State lawmakers said the list should not be public because it would violate the state constitution's privacy clause.

But [Judge Nikki] Clark said that law was unconstitutional, and the Florida Legislature illegally passed the 2001 statute without showing any public benefit.

'The court cannot and will not speculate what the public necessity might be, nor can the court construe or imply the public necessity from the language of the statute itself,' Clark wrote. "

This rooster is no chicken: "No one is quite sure how the bird got the cockamamie idea to set up residence outside a place adorned with 'Eat Mor Chickin' signs."

"The rooster declined to comment."

2,754 gather for nude photo shoot: "Saturday between 4 and 8:30 a.m., 2,754 art lovers shed their clothes to be part of one of New York artist Spencer Tunick's installations. They set the North American record for the largest number of naked people in a photograph."

Hopefully, the record will only last until August. One more way to be alone in a crowd.

Canada's Marijuana Party sells pot seeds to finance campaign: "The party buys seeds in bulk from Canadian suppliers, including Willy Jack and Sensi Seeds, then sells packs of 10 at prices ranging from $10 (US$7.40) for nonviable 'decorative' seeds to $400 (US$296) for 'thoroughbred, Cannabis Cup-winning' varieties."

This would be more impressive if the article didn't state that they've sold "five or six packs."

Pot-Smoking Dominatrix Jumps Into Election: "'I can't believe Elections Canada allows this kind of stuff. I'm not uptight but I can see how some people would consider this to be pornographic,' one Senate employee said. 'I'm shocked, and a little aroused.' "

Honestly, I can think of worse people to represent me than a pot-smoking dominatrix.

High-tech hood put on Mequon suspect: "A man died in Mequon police custody Saturday after an officer placed a high-tech protective hood over the man's head to shield the officer from saliva, the lead investigator on the case said Tuesday.

"Sheridan was arrested Saturday evening on a drug paraphernalia possession charge when the car in which he was riding was stopped after an attendant at a Citgo gas station, 11147 N. Port Washington Road, reported that the vehicle drove off without paying for gas at 5:18 p.m."

Here is the lesson: Stealing gas could cost you your life. Do something stupid, and the cop who arrests you may do something stupid, too.

More False Information From TSA: "Delta, Continental, America West, JetBlue and Frontier Airlines secretly turned over sensitive passenger data to Transportation Security Administration contractors in the spring and summer of 2002, according to the sworn statement of acting TSA chief David Stone. In addition, two of the four largest airline reservation centers, Galileo International and Sabre, also gave sensitive passenger information, including home phone numbers, credit card numbers and health data, without disclosing the transfers to travelers or asking their permission.

"This is the third time in the past nine month that knowledge of the scope of secret information disclosures by airlines has expanded, and now six of the 10 largest airlines are known to have given data to the government secretly. Stone's disclosure also raises questions about whether TSA officials intentionally withheld information from previous inquiries by the Government Accounting Office, members of Congress and the Department of Homeland Security's chief privacy officer, Nuala O'Connor Kelly."

Let's review. The airlines broke the law by violating their own privacy policies. The TSA broke the law by repeatedly denying what they now admit, even in the face of court orders and FOIA requests. The TSA or its contractors broke the law (The Privacy Act) by compiling a secret database on Americans. It also appears that the TSA lied to the GAO and to Congress directly.

To date, none of the passengers whose data was provided to the TSA by six of the ten largest airlines and the two largest airline reservation systems have been notified that their information has illegally been transferred to the government and aggregated into a database system by contractors.

Spicy jambalaya leads to lawsuit: "In the second such complaint lodged against the restaurant, the mother and daughter filed a civil lawsuit Monday in federal court, naming the restaurant, a manager and an officer with the Merrionette Park Police Department as defendants. The suit charges that the plaintiffs were falsely arrested, wrongfully detained and their civil rights were violated. "

The first suit was from a customer who received potatoes on the side instead of a potato-crusted fish, and refused to pay when they wouldn't give her a new fish, just the old one newly potato-crusted. This suit is from two women who asked for Jambalaya spicy and couldn't handle it. They should have had a clue -- the restaurant is named "115 Bourbon Street." They may not know about spicy food in Chicago, but they live and breathe it in New Orleans.

The real question is whether you're obligated to pay for a meal that doesn't meet your expectations. The unstated question is why a restaurant is so unwilling to write off a meal here and there to keep their name out of the paper for silliness like this.

At graduation, parents get a dressing down: "Generating boos and red faces, a speaker from an American Legion post lashed out at parents for how they were dressed yesterday during a fifth-grade graduation ceremony at PS 8 in Great Kills.

"After presenting two students with awards for patriotism and citizenship, Harry Krone of the Watkins-Kellett Post said, 'This is a special day for your children. This isn't a bowling alley or a supermarket.' "
...
"If they see their parents dress up for an important meeting or function, and yet they don't dress up for their graduation, they will assume that it really isn't that important," he said. "It's about the occasion and the respect that the children deserve."

Ahem. Point taken, but this is a fifth-grade graduation ceremony. It really isn't that important. They'll be back next year, in the sixth grade, in the same building. It used to be that you "graduated" when you completed school. This is one of those politically-correct gimmicks used to make every child feel special. Wear what you want.

Tech heavies support challenge to copyright law: "Skirmishes between content-producing companies seeking expansive copyright protections and hardware and telecommunications corporations on the other side have resulted in a legislative deadlock on Capitol Hill.

"Some of the most influential technology companies are planning to announce on Tuesday an alliance that they hope will end the impasse. Called the Personal Technology Freedom Coalition, its purpose is to coordinate lobbying efforts in opposition--at least initially--to the most controversial section of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. "

Do the telecommunications, software, and consumer electronics industries have enough collective clout to out-lobby the entertainment industry? Why no mention of Fritz Hollings (D-Disney) as he has been the leading proponent of the DMCA and is generally considered the entertainment industry's lackey?

SurfControl distributes email mailing list: "SurfControl yesterday issued an exciting press release outlining 'the dangers facing businesses who do not protect their e-mail communications against confidential data loss'.

As is the local custom, the release was sent by email to a long list of eager recipients. Sadly, the operative responsible has clearly never considered protecting their email communications against confidential data loss by using the handy blind copying facility:"

I've been amazed at the number of companies who seem to think nothing of disclosing their customer list by refusing to understand the BCC feature. This is the first time I've seen such an ironic context. If you're using SurfControl, the page may be blocked...

Making Votes Count: Gambling on Voting: "If election officials want to convince voters that electronic voting can be trusted, they should be willing to make it at least as secure as slot machines. To appreciate how poor the oversight on voting systems is, it's useful to look at the way Nevada systematically ensures that electronic gambling machines in Las Vegas operate honestly and accurately. Electronic voting, by comparison, is rife with lax procedures, security risks and conflicts of interest."

The slot machines are probably a safer bet than the politians, too.

Redneck IT Admins: "TOP 11 signs you may be a redneck IT administrator

"8) You're not surprised to discover your child process is also the parent of your other child process"

There are four pages, and the external links are usually worth it.

A Jet-Powered PDA for Astronauts: "Astronauts want to use handheld computers, said PSA lead systems engineer Keith Nicewarner. But they need their hands free to do experiments -- and they don't want their Treos to float aimlessly around the space station. The PSA, in contrast, can move around and hover in near-weightlessness, thanks to forced air jets about as strong as a small hair dryer's.

"Budget cuts mean astronauts in the station are overworked, and asked to keep on top of experiments and procedures that are so complex that 'it's impossible to remember all the steps,' Nicewarner said.

"The PSA, running on a Pentium II processor and GNU Linux OS, would store the steps instead, and use a built-in speaker or LCD screen to tell or show the astronauts what they need to do. The orb could also keep tabs on some experiments by itself. 'Instead of waking up the astronauts, you could have the PSA snap some pictures and send 'em down,' Nicewarner said. "

Think of a 1' diameter cherry-red whiffle-ball floating in mid-air. Try not to think of HAL.

Scientology link to public schools / As early as the third grade, students in S.F. and elsewhere are subtly introduced to church's concepts via anti-drug teachings: "A popular anti-drug program provided free to schools in San Francisco and elsewhere teaches concepts straight out of the Church of Scientology, including medical theories that some addiction experts described as 'irresponsible' and 'pseudoscience.' "

Ducks have regional accents: "According to the research team, Cornish ducks have a 'chilled out' rural quack while wide-boy London ducks have an unpleasant shouting quack which they used to distract hapless foreigners before making off with their wallets and mobile phones."

I'll take two chilled-out ducks with plum sauce, please.

School yearbooks recalled to remove racial epithet: "Perry Hall High School officials are recalling about 450 yearbooks that were distributed to seniors before the officials discovered that a racial epithet had been inserted next to the name of a biracial student.
...
Yesterday school officials were calling seniors individually and asking them to return their yearbooks, said school system spokesman Charles A. Herndon. Students who will not return their yearbooks might not be allowed to participate in tomorrow's graduation ceremonies, he said."

It's only that last part that I have a problem with. That you won't be allowed to graduate if you won't return your yearbook for censoring. I'd damn well keep mine...

Rumsfeld Fighting Technique: "You may have defeated my Southern Hook Palm technique, but can you defeat the 1000 styles of Rumsfeld?"

Goth grant runs course: "Two years ago, Blue Springs got word the Youth Outreach Unit received $273,000 to 'combat' the Goth culture, and emotions flew. Blue Springs received national attention, and local youth who dressed in Goth-like clothing worried about being singled out.

"But plans for the grant never unfolded, and Blue Springs has returned $132,000 of the money unused. Officials concede today they never found much of a 'problem' at all associated with the Goth culture, and instead have developed a new understanding and acceptance."

In unrelated news, the bill to criminalize low-rider jeans also failed. Kids have to do things that piss off their parents, why should we make every passing fad illegal? At least these people did some rational things -- their Youth Outreach Unit actually seems to have reached out to youth, and the money that was spent was spent on developing understanding, tolerance, and acceptance.

There is also the predictable lack of understanding of how federal grants work. One set thinks the money could have been better used for other things (though of course expressely prohibited), while another set objects to giving back money when spending it would have been silly at best. The question isn't what the money could be used for, but whether it's defined purposed has merit. No merit, nothing to see, keep moving.

Jesus Had Short Hair!: "I Corinthians 11:14 says, 'Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?' The Greek word for 'shame' in this verse is translated elsewhere in the New Testament as 'dishonor,' 'vile,' 'disgrace.' In Romans 1:26 the same word is translated 'vile', 'For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature.' You will notice that these 'vile affections' have to do with homosexuality. It is very interesting that as the trend toward long hair increases, the acceptance of homosexuality increases. This is not to say that long hair and homosexuality always go together, but it is to note the fact that both are on the rise in our generation. Several of the major denominations have now accepted homosexuals. In some cities there are churches for homosexuals pastored by avowed homosexuals. At least one major denomination has ordained a homosexual preacher and others are considering following suit."

Damned long-haired faggots! Oh, wait, I'm one of them. D'oh. Someone tell Rado and Ragni.

They'll be gaga at the Gogo
When they see me in my toga
In my toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Alelulia I adore it
Alelulia Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me

One Man's Campaign To Rid Radio of Smut Is Finally Paying Off: "Mr. Smith, for one, is listening a lot less than he used to. In March, he became the target of a $3 million harassment suit Mr. Muller filed in Cook County Circuit Court. On his lawyer's advice, he has stopped monitoring Mancow while the case is pending."

So, if you stop your crusade for righteousness because someone sues you, how dedicated are you? You've cost the host $42K in fines already, but you stop as soon as the tables are turned? Hypocrite.

iTunes and Lawsuits: "This is crazy. Online prices should always be much lower than physical CDs. The economics of downloading favor high volume. CDs have to be pressed, warehoused and shipped, but in the online world, you transmit a file to the vendor and just collect money. When a super popular artist like Norah Jones emerges, forget about convincing a hundred thousand people to download it at $13-get a million people to make the mouse-buy for five bucks. It's nice to sell 100,000 Norah Jones albums online at $13, but even better to sell 2 million at five bucks a pop."

They finally start to see that when you remove physical manufacturing and distribution costs, prices should fall.

The recording industry never recognizes this. CDs cost less to produce than LPs did, but cost about double. Online downloads cost virtually nothing to offer, but they're more expensive than CDs. Every time the industry is forced to adopt a new technology (almost always after fighting it every way possible for years), they use it as an excuse to double-up their back end, and stick it to the consumers (also presumably in the back end.)

As an example, www.livephish.com offers CD-quality concert downloads for under $5 per disc, and they sold over a million shows in their first year online. This is the same sentiment echoed in the article -- "This is crazy. Online prices should always be much lower than physical CDs. The economics of downloading favor high volume. CDs have to be pressed, warehoused and shipped, but in the online world, you transmit a file to the vendor and just collect money. When a super popular artist like Norah Jones emerges, forget about convincing a hundred thousand people to download it at $13-get a million people to make the mouse-buy for five bucks. It's nice to sell 100,000 Norah Jones albums online at $13, but even better to sell 2 million at five bucks a pop. "

Activist accused of warning drivers: "''Police Checkpoint Ahead,'' read the orange sign, warning drivers along Northwest 17th Avenue that city of Miami police officers were ahead."

As usual, they're wrong. Of the pair, one was charged. Thankfully, there were another dozen standing by to keep the signs up. One arrest, two signs confiscated. Not only is this obvious free speech, but the cops are being idiots, too.