Monday, October 18, 2004

Wired moose: "It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a bull moose hanging by its antlers from an electrical power line in the middle of the Alaska wilderness.

In one of those only-in-Alaska stories that will shock even the sourest of sourdoughs, a trophy-sized bull moose was accidentally strung up in a power line under construction to the Teck Pogo gold mine southeast of Fairbanks. The moose apparently got its antlers tangled in electrical wire before workers farther down the line pulled the line tight about two weeks ago."

I thought Rocky was the flying one, not Bullwinkle. Then again, he didn't start out flying. Sad ending, but a uniquely strange story...

Friday, October 15, 2004

Bullies at the Voting Booth: "What if Republican shenanigans tip the election? Many members of the media are looking at the dangers voting machines may pose to the integrity of the national election. Others are wondering whether voters may be disenfranchised by use of faulty felon lists, as happened in Florida in 2000. But there is another danger: Republicans may use a variety of tactics to suppress the vote of racial minorities in swing states. These tactics could determine control of the White House or the Senate."

This one points to more dirty tricks by Republicans than by Democrats, and that makes me somewhat suspicious. However, here's a guide to disenfranchisement, machine style.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

The Strange Case of the Shocker: "It is a gesture meant to indicate a sexual act, wherein the first and second fingers enter a vagina, while the errant pinky plunges into the anus; hence the 'shock'. The gesture, the province of minds quite filthy in nature, has taken on other, more explicit names: 'Two in the pink and one in the stink', 'two in the coot and one in the boot', 'going to town with one in the brown'. Yes, quite rude, quite crude... but a minimal impact, considering its relative obscurity and difficult explanation. You can imagine Cokefair's eyes tearing up with anger as he flipped through the photographs; smiling faces, blushing with youth and vitality, innocently holding up a signal representing digital sodomy and sexual manipulation. The despair in the room, the struggle to decide what to do, must have been palpable."

Ironic, but the thing that scares Principal Cokefair gives me hope. Check out a few of the pictures, including the girl who gets it wrong with one hand while her two friends get it right with both hands. They're 'happy together'...
Kids Visit Margaritaville - September 29, 2004: "SEPTEMBER 29--Earlier this month, the staff, faculty, and Board of Trustees at Virginia's private Alexandria Country Day School had a Mexican-themed dinner complete with some tasty margaritas. For some reason, the leftover hooch was placed in a school refrigerator. You can probably guess what's coming next. On September 10, the booze was mistaken for 'limeade' by school workers and actually served at lunch to students in the third, fourth, and fifth grades."

This happened in my back yard. It's interesting to note that, for once, those who made an honest mistake and admitted it haven't (yet) been sued. I'll take my limeade frozen, no salt.
White Castle lawsuit has familiar ring: "If you thought White Castle's Slyders are tough on your body, wait till you try the onion rings, according to a lawsuit that calls the rings 'unreasonably dangerous.'

Michael Strauss, of Chicago, filed suit on Wednesday against the burger company, alleging he suffered 'great pain and anguish in mind and body' when he bit into an onion ring two years ago and 'scalding hot grease splattered out and onto' his arm, 'scalding and severely burning him.'

Strauss wants more than $50,000 for the 'severe and permanent injuries' he suffered after ordering White Castle 'onion rings that were in an unreasonably dangerous and defective condition.'"

I've never understood why people order things that have been boiled or deep-fried and expect them not to be hot. Whether oil or water, boiling is hot, and is cause for careful handling, not lawsuits. "Welcome to SafetyBurger, where all food is served at room temperature."
Puppet Sex Leads to Rating Rift

"It's something we all did as kids with Barbie and Ken dolls," said Trey Parker, the film's director and co-creator of the animated TV show "South Park." "The whole joke of it is that it's just two dolls flopping around on each other. You see the hinges on their legs. [The MPAA] read into it way more than we ever did…. They said you can't do anything but missionary position."

Visions of lesbian barbie vs. the MPAA...