Another outing in Cumberland real estate. This was a 3br/2ba bungalow on 1/2 acre. Looked promising from the outside. Inside requires replastering in almost every room, removal of center hall/stair remuddling, and repair of both major structural issues, and (intentionally) hidden water damage. Much made worse by attempts to repair on the cheap, and evidence that two new electrical panels had been installed rather than remediating the existing knob-and-tube wiring. The property wouldn't absorb the needed repairs. As a bonus, this one contained a grow-room in the basement. Small square footage, major issues that had been intentionally hidden, and major structural issues in addition to a 50% gut -- the property simply wouldn't absorb the cost of the needed renovations.

The other prospect had a nice 2 acre site, might make a nice expansion apiary, but the road is perilously thin, overpopulated by everything from shacks to mcmansions with pools, and the house is weird and trashed. Who puts a garage on the back side of a house without providing any access? Who stops reroofing (badly) in mid-course and leaves all the staging installed on the roof? Want a 1400 sq ft fire-damaged house with a garage where the family room should be, and in need or new roof, windows, doors, and siding? No, I didn't either.

Image withheld by request.

So, another day in real estate. Today's victim was a four-unit (listed as four two-bedroom apartments) apartment building in Cumberland, MD. Originally a single family home, I'm guessing the owners were annoyed when the neighbors built a house two feet away, and retaliated by building an entirely new house in their back yard. Their entire back yard, except for the shed in back, which they built up to.

So a two-story house with finished attic extends to the rear (and with an alley) into a three-story addition containing two two-bedroom apartments (with microscopic kitchens) and an extra bedroom for the now subdivided first floor. Worse, somewhere in the 80's, it appears the owner decided they were really tired of paying for the gas-fired boiler for all the radiators in the building, and replaced them all with electric strip heaters which would instead go on the tenants electric bills. Nice. Cheap. Mean-spirited.

Worse, almost all the radiators have been removed and all the interior supply lines removed, only the forest of piping in the basement remains. The ductwork from original (presumably) coal-fired furnace has also been removed, though the original registers remain, some containing phone lines. All that was surmised from the listing and photos. What wasn't was the sad state of most of the plaster. I immediately subtracted $10K from the price I was prepared to offer. The two places where water (previously) had obviously come through the roof appear to be corrected, but may require further repairs, and all the damage remains. The plaster in most areas requires repair or replacement.

My original assessment had been: It's selling for $45K, I'll offer $40K, on the assumption it needs four new kitchens and four new baths, new wiring, some new plumbing, and some plaster repair. After the tour, I still like it a lot, but it needs extensive plaster repair or replacement, all that other stuff, and inspections on the roof and chimneys with likely repairs to follow. And a likely dismantling of the entire radiator supply piping system. Two windows in the wall facing the neighboring building (blank wall) need complete replacement or filling in. Two doors in the "court of doors" where the alley ends need removal. The back wall that was built against the existing shed needs work.

I walked in sold and looking for reasons to run away. Replacing a whole lot of plaster is straightforward, but not inexpensive. So $12K was the figure dancing in my head -- my quick estimate of how much it would take to rerock all the areas where the plaster needs to be replaced. Not an expert, in about 15 minutes, that's my assessment.

We eventually got past the bad and into the weird. The third-floor attic in the old house is finished, at least in part. Call it thirds. The first third, the front room, is finished, but with some poor plastering detailing. it's backed by three short closets, which are finished, to a degree, as the roof slopes downward. The joke of "this is where we keep the children" seems odd when you find large, short, carpeted closets off the third-floor attic. Proper attic crawl space behind the mini-rooms. Could be turned into storage, but even as storage, should probably be returned to unfinished, unconditioned space. We weren't able to get past the steel door and lockset on the rear addition attic, but I expect a crawl-space again.

So the long and short of it is that I'm in the process of making an offer. My agent believes that they're likely to take $30K for a property listed (in foreclosure) at $45K, or at least not say "fuck off." My estimate is that if I invest the purchase price, plus another $50K over 2 years, plus one day a week and one weekend a month (on average) for two years, I'll have a property that will rent four units ranging from $600-$800 per month, and not need major updates for another 30+ years. If that estimate is correct, I'd invest (roughly) $80K over two years, and recoup (roughly) $800K over 30 years. So, my opening offer is $30K with seller paying closing costs. If they bite, I'll buy. If they negotiate, we'll see.

Now, the omen. For a four-unit building, you can imagine there'd be a lot of keys. Two separate lockboxes, in fact, though the listing agent claimed ignorance on the combination the the second box. Magically, once we'd discarded the provided keys and just started fucking around, I found the key to our condo building in Silver Spring (!) unlocked the door the  the front upstairs apartment.

Let me get serious for a moment. Cumberland, Maryland, is the fourth most resilient housing market in the US. Which isn't to say the recession hasn't hit the area hard, but that the area has been in decline since the middle of the last century, and let's just say the current economic collapse didn't really do much to drive them further into the ground. So I'm looking at a foreclosure property with an assessment of $90K, a listing price of $45K, and I'm offering $30K with the prospect of more than doubling down. The floor for 2-bedroom rentals in downtown is $500/month. I can work this. With style, and possibly even flair.

At least that was educational. So, the shell was worth saving, but required a complete gut. As a bonus, the attic was a perfect triangular void just asking to be combined with sheetrock and yoga practice. But it was not to be. While the place was built as a store in 1907, and existed as such into the 1960's, the current zoning is somewhere between "vague" and "residential." Questions to city hall were met with an excessive list of intolerable hoops to jump through to receive limited commercial zoning. None of which could be satisfied until months after taking possession. In other words, the whole thing depended on a complete rezoning petition, which could only be filed after purchase, and which, at best, should be expected to cost thousands, and divide at least half the neighbors against each other, before eventually succeeding. You'd be $40K down and another $20K in before you could reasonably make the request, and if the answer was no, you're ruined. As I said to the realtor, "No, not on a bet."

So, today, it appears I got a real estate agent for Cumberland! Also turns out he's a local radio personality! He gave me the story I wanted, and I let on to my career working in entertainment law. He's afraid of birds in buildings, and I'm looking for investment properties. The current prospect is a former general store. Storefront, with lead-lined meat locker in the basement, has potential to be new ceramics shop after a complete gut and re-imagining.

I've had many false starts with real estate agents in Cumberland. This one seems to respond to email, signed me to a buyers agent agreement (oh how hard it's been to find someone interested in that!), and showed me a property that the listing agent (in the same office!) wouldn't return my calls for! That he's local radio talent impresses me even more, as long as he also remains a competent real estate agent. Ideally, if I find someone I can work with, I'll be buying an investment property every other year, my agent is in for fun, even at the low end. I'll presume that if he's in radio, he's an alcoholic, and work from there. The voice is seductive, though...

So, I went and toured an investment property today. Potential pottery shop with rental apartment above. Abandoned storefront with two-car garage. Total gut job. basement is limestone block (set in stone, aye!) but the floor slopes downhill, first floor storefrtont with 1br apt w/ den behind, 2nd floor 3br apt, 3rd floor unfinished attic with extravagant potential. the two-car garage is potential stoage, but needs replaced with a similar size building with studio apartment above. Neighborhood would absorbe 2:1 or even 3:1 investment and neighbors literally begged me to buy it!

If I do this, it's going to take a minimum of 4 years and $50K, but might be a really good investment. The slate roof is an unknown, but if it can be saved, it would be good for another 80 years! The attic is just waiting to be a mind-blowing "headspace" above the building. The plumbing and electrical need complete replacement, the plaster is compromised from above and the second floor is weak, but these can be addressed once the plaster is down. The back fo the building needs to be rearranged, the porches need to be replaced, and everything needs to be refinished from the studs out, inside and out. The retail space is worth saving if it's permittable, and otherwise, the place isn't worth touching. Only other retail in the neighborhood is a two-story building with private hair salon on first floor immediately behind (across the alley!) If zoning is workable, a pottery shop was the original plan, and this is a perfect pottery shop for the cost of a complete gut job. Bonus -- apartment and headspace overhead, and room for both resident manager (and with garage) resident artist with private studio!

We'll see. It's a disaster in progress and there's no reason to expect they'll accept a low-ball offer. Or that I can make the most of it, even over time. But it's the immediate prospect.

Welcome to my nightmare, Cumberland, MD, edition!

Ready to start priming and painting hive bodies so they're ready when the new packages of bees arrive in two weeks. After spending some quality time assembling hive bodies, I opted to order preassembled and painted honey supers, trading much higher shipping costs for a couple days of my time.

Checked in on the two overwintered hives, and both were doing well, if a bit inactive in cool weather. Each had consumed about 1 gallon of medicated feed syrup, which was conveniently what I'd brought along to refill. Two more gallons for each hive, and that's the spring nosema treatment taken care of. I also checked in on the two baited swarm-catcher hives, and both appeared empty and unmolested. Hopefully, at least one will catch a swarm -- optimally, this would get me up to eight hives with the two that overwintered and the four new packages.

Need to be ready to handle the new packages (finish priming and painting hive components), make another 5 gallon batch of medicated feed syrup, and take a weed-whacker to the bee yard this week or next.

It must be spring...

I climbed over the retreating snowpack and checked the beehives today. Hooray! Both hives are active and flying. I'll need to get feeders on next week, as well as get the baited hives for swarm catching out. In early April, four new packages arrive, so I'll need four additional hives ready.

Time to start assembling new hive components.

To restate the obvious, I've been away for a while. I think I'm getting ready to be back now, but maybe not quite yet.

I had a heart attack. Out of the blue. So I took a year off. I'm better now -- smaller, weaker, and far less likely to fall over and die.

Last year's garden was abandoned when I fell over the day before planting and required opening for repair. This year's garden was planted and failed. Spring never warmed, it stayed hopelessly wet into mid-summer, and everything that wasn't eaten by rabbits and deer rotted and died before the three weeks of warm dry weather that preceded the arrival of fall.

Bees made honey, though one hive did all the work. It looks good for a full catalog of hot sauce by Thanksgiving, though likely no Habanero this year. I'm set to expand the apiary next year, and I'm hoping for at least triple the honey and wax I harvested this year. If I can get an electric fence around the garden for next year, I should have peppers in quantity. I want IR-targeted auto-ranging laser canons, but an electric fence (with solar power) is the closest option at Tractor Supply.

Anyway, enough with the update. I fell down. I got up. I'm (almost) going again.

Soon.

will the bees get a yurt?

so, I need a place to keep bee stuff, and to work on hives, and extract honey, maybe more. I'd always thought, for some reason, that there should be yurts on the property. turns out you can import honest to god mongolian yurts from china.

so, I could build or buy a simple storage shed, somewhere between 10'x10' and 12'x20', or I could order a couple of half-length shipping containers, or I could import a yurt.

so, I'm thinking of yurts. Turns out the (significant) shipping charges only get it to the nearest port (their choice, not mine, think New York, not Baltimore or Norfolk, or the Virginia Inland Port in Winchester) and then it's my problem. so now I'm on the prowl for outfits that offer turnkey yurt-delivery experiences, 'cause there's a lot of deatils there that I'd rather not be bothered with. I still gotta schlep it home. will a knocked-down mongolian yurt from china fit in a Durango, or do I gotta drag a trailer to Jersey and back?

Alternatively, the bee stuff may get a nice cheap party tent which can be useful elsewhere if it survives.

sooner or later there's gonna be yurts. I'm not sure I'm ready to facilitate yurt delivery on spec. The bee stuff may get a glorified tent, not a glorious one.

taking the bee keeping plunge

So, yesterday, on Cyber Monday, I ordered bee hives, bee keeping supplies, and bees.

The apirary area should be ready well before Spring, and the bees should arrive about 4/10. I chose Buckfast bees because they're among the most gentle and mite resistant. In fact, the official "West Virginia" bee is a Buckfast variant. I couldn't find any place to get "West Virginia" bees online, so I ordered Buckfasts from Texas.

For starter hives, I ordered four complete cypress hive kits. My "starter" kit also comes with a couple of hive bodies, along with the gloves, hat, veil, suit, smoker, etc.... I also ordered four big plastic footed hive stands, which should let me keep the ants and other crawlies away from the hives.

Over the next couple of weeks, boxes of hive parts and beekeeping tools should start arriving. As long as I have places ready for four 3 packages of bees before April, everything should be fine. Hopefully, about the same time, the big field will be pushing up grasses and clovers, and the bees will have a ready food source to build up their numbers. I'm not expecting much in the way of honey or wax the first year, but my goal for 2009 is to have all four hives survive next Winter and produce well.

the season moves apace, even if the blog entries don't.

the very cranberry cream ale has become my christmas tree, fermenting away under a blanket of cranberry slices in a 15 gallon green demi-jon. the barleywine is waiting on a 10-gallon brewpot but otherwise ready to go, and the mead is waiting on inspiration, although the honey is already on hand.

clearing of the apiary continues, now with just the scrap metal and large rocks to remove before the final brush clearing. should not be any problem to have ready before the bees and hives arrive.

a dead deer has appeared in the maze, fallen to ground right in front of where center stage will eventually be.

the freezer is full of hot peppers (and pork) and I have processed the first 10 gallons of raw Jalapeño sauce. there will also be Serrano sauce and Mixed Greens, though Mixed Greens will be in shorter than desired quantities due to an unexpected frost.

My postings have been brief, cryptic, and sporadic for some time now. I have been in the process of repurposing my life, twice, and this blog as well.

Two years ago, I was ending my career as a network manager for a downtown DC law firm, and this blog was a low-impact substitute for my ancient "What's Weird On The Web?" page. When I quit, my constant immersion in the technology news stream ended, or at least subsided substantially. I'm spending less time on line, and I no longer felt the need to hunt down weird items to link to and comment on. More so, this blog is drifting toward a kind of personal diary, but that too, I hope, is temporary.

The long term goals are to remain self-sufficient, to stand up several hobbies as profitable businesses, and to try and deal with as little bullshit as necessary.

The first "next big thing" was a gardening business with a friend as a partner. It took four months for that to collapse, as my partner demonstrated he had no interest in, nor tolerance for, business. The thing is that by then, I'd been working toward that goal for well over a year, and had fully adapted my original ideas to fit within my friend's. With his departure, I decided I would be foolish to proceed as planned in his absence, but it took me quite a while to step back, revisit my original ideas, and make some decisions on how to proceed.

Instead of a fresh produce business, I'm going to go back to looking at seasonal production of packaged products. I'm continuing to scale up hot pepper and tomato gardening, intended to produce hot sauces and dried tomatoes for sale. I have tested recipes, almost a decade of experience, and wholesale distribution contacts.

I've revised the layout of the garden area, and hope to get the greenhouses in this fall, and finish it all next year except for the raised beds. I've tilled the big field and sown a pasture mix. The field will get overseeded a couple of times, or tilled under if the weeds remain uncontrollable. The northern upper field has been largely cleared, and boundaries for the hedge maze have been surveyed. It will take a decade, but if fully realized, this should be quite the wonderment. I've also begun clearing the southern upper field, and clearing the brush is revealing a lot more real estate than originally visible.

By the end of this year, I want to be getting ready for bees next spring.

At this point, I'm trying to leave any residual sniping at my former employers behind, and comment on the various agricultural and intellectual issues and concepts that interest me. You may see comments on brewing, beekeeping, ceramics and pottery, alternative energy, hedge mazes, and fruit trees, among other subjects. There may be occasional tractor stories.

I've taken no steps to publicize or promote this blog. If you are reading, let me know.

My former employer, specifically the Firm Administrator, is a coward.

I stopped working there in July of '05, a month before my negotiated departure date. I had agreed to work two days a week for two months after my resignation became effective, and without discussion, my departure date was announced as one month after. Odd to beg for a favor, then spurn half of it without discussion, but as I wanted to be gone, I didn't argue.

I elected 18 months of COBRA coverage for health care, something our administrator had never done before. She quoted me a figure in the departure interview, and two months later, followed up by email to ask why I had not paid. I explained that I had been waiting for some kind of statement or invoice, and was informed that there would be none. I did my research, and found that (indeed) this was not a legal requirement -- she was (deliberately) doing absolutely no more than required by law.

About a year after, on 6/1/06, I received an email stating that my premiums would increase EFFECTIVE 5/1/06, and listing the new premium. The retroactive rate increase was unacceptable, and I did not pay. Instead, I signed up for Blue Cross/Blue Shield directly. It took me more than four months of paperwork and a note from my doctor, but I managed to subscribe without any cooperation from my former employer, and minimal cooperation from their insurance carrier. I put all the blame on my former employer, as I found out from the insurance carrier that several things I'd been told were false, and was provided with written documentation that my Firm Administrator had been made aware of this in advance. In other words, she lied, and the insurance company proved it in writing. Knowingly.

Today, things begin to make sense again. I received a statement from the insurance carrier showing that I'd been carried for the full 18 months despite having paid for only 8. My interpretation is that the Firm Administrator was unwilling to force the issue, and hid the fact that they were paying for a former employee's insurance for a year without reimbursement.

I cannot tell whether she did this because she refused to send me anything in writing out of stubbornness, or whether she feared forcing the issue would result in her own increasingly dissatisfied management becoming aware of my true reasons for leaving (her). I am certain, however, that it was not a casual oversight.

Hopefully, the same reasons that kept me insured for almost a year without any payment or collections activity will keep her from sending me a cumulative bill now that I'm off the policy.

From what I hear through the grapevine, I think that if she's fool enough to try, I can end her career. What I hear is that management is increasingly dissatisfied with her, but is waiting for the original name partner to retire before ousting her. Probably to be replaced by the current managing partner's secretary, which is how she originally came to the job.

For the record, I believe the real problem is the new managing partner, who delegated virtually all oversight of the Firm Administrator into oblivion.

Finally. I have divested myself, and no longer suffer a three-hour commute. Below expectations, but enough to settle everything with much to spare.

From the looks of it, if I'd dug in and held on, I might have made it. But why? I miss only the comforts and conveniences, and I can set about recreating those. Without crunching all the numbers, I think I've cut my cost of living by 70-80%. Whatever happens will only put more in my pocket.

I'm on the cusp of being too late to order bees for April delivery, and I'm not ready. I'll spend the year getting ready, and order bees 11 months from now.

Next week, I should be starting seeds for hot peppers, tomatoes, marigolds, and cactus. Next month, I should be starting to till the big field for clover planting.

A year ago, I knew where I was going, and I was wrong. Now, I'm not so sure, but I'm convinced I'm right.

The end of the year would appear to presage the arrival of clarity.

The house in Arlington is under contract, and I have 30 days to finish moving out and find or make places to fit everything. I think I'll end up with the woodworking shop tools in storage until I build a new barn next Spring.

Had I spiffed up the house and sold it at my first opportunity, I'd probably have made $100K more than it looks like now. As it is, though, I can't complain (though sometimes I still do) -- the property has more than tripled in value over the last 12 years. For now, I end up debt-free again, and with a bunch of extra cash in the bank, just not the mad money I'd dreamt of.

For Spring, I want to fence, plow and subdivide the lower field, and plant crops of clover, hot peppers and bees, and also refence the paddock and put in a new storage barn. Beyond that, I'm hoping to put up a few greenhouses, even if they're temporary.

Most of the immediate decisions have been made, and the path is now largely clear.

Having had my erstwhile business partner abandon me, I've been reconstructing the solo effort I had originally envisioned. Having had no immediate success, and considering the need was abandoned with the planned business model, I'll be selling the house in Arlington as quickly as possible, then regrouping through the winter. In the spring, not only do I need to start plowing fields and installing fences, I also need to be putting up greenhouses and looking for a new house near Cumberland.

So a bout of moving, and I'm back where I was a year ago, with a different house and a bigger pile of stuff. In the year, I've managed a lot of work on the ranch, but from a business perspective, the first year was largely a waste.

Solo, the time line stretches.

Further changes force me to recoil and reconsider. Requesting a plan leaves a larger void. Retrace to first determinant branch and reconsider all subsequent choices. Hope for resolution by Labor Day.

My neighbor has a fembot, and I'm jealous. He spends all his time waxing and washing vehicles, and she keeps bringing him cool refreshing drinks and walking like a super-stacked robot with a large blonde wig.

There have been no postings for a while because I have been in the process of becoming. I am currently taking shape, and am beginning to prepare for emergence. If you are watching, let me know. Stay tuned.

Food Served in Miniature Toilet Bowls at Taiwanese Restaurant With Scatalogical Theme: "Giggling helplessly, high school student Chen Yi-lin gulps down a chocolate ice-cream sundae served in a miniature Asian-style squat toilet, and admits that she is smitten."

For your viewing pleasure, I found a version of the story with a picture. The restaurant is named Marton (chinese for "toilet"). $10 to the first person to email me pictures of their bathroom facility (NOT another picture of their dining room). Yes, I want a picture of Toilet's toilets. The real ones, not the decor.