BUSH OR BUST: "Debbie Dupeire was so intent on helping to re-elect the president Tuesday that she shucked her Bush-Cheney T-shirt and voted in her bra after being told that state election law prohibits displaying a candidate's name in a polling place."

"So Dupeire pulled off the offending red-white-and-blue shirt and marched into the booth at Deckbar Elementary School clad in her white sports bra, exercise pants and flip-flops."

No, you don't get the picture you wanted, you get the t-shirt.

Three Sentenced for Providing Sex on a Golf Course: "Riverside County sheriff's deputies, dressed in camouflage and equipped with binoculars, were in the surrounding hills monitoring the June 14 tournament. Deputies raided the event, detaining 90 golfers, 17 strippers and prostitutes and several golf course employees. Two male golfers were convicted of engaging in prostitution, and Angie Peraza, the mother of the 16-year-old prostitute, faces charges of prostitution and child endangerment."

Finally, something with the potential to get ME interested in golf!

Pizza deliveryman attacked by gang of pumpkin-wielding thugs: "Fifteen to 20 unknown subjects hit a Papa Romeo's deliveryman with a pumpkin Sunday night while he was bringing a pizza to an Evanston home, said Cmdr. Joe Bellino of Evanston Police Department.

The subjects then stole the man's car and crashed it into a fence, Bellino said."

Assault with a deadly pumpkin. Grand theft pizza. It's Halloween.

Man's beating of wife caused crash, police say: "Csapo was accused of punching his wife while they drove back from an Amherst restaurant early Sunday morning. His wife told police that he pulled over, punched her in the face, continued driving and continued beating her. After she jumped into the back seat, he followed her there. The vehicle crashed into heavy brush about 10 to 15 feet off the road."

They released his wife. It's one thing to fight while driving, another thing to hit your wife, and utterly absurd to dive into the back seat to fight with her as the car keeps moving.

Man suing over display some found too spooky: "A former Addison firefighter said he put up plywood 'tombstones' in his Bloomingdale front yard as Halloween decor. But the names he wrote next to 'R.I.P.' were carefully chosen in mocking protest of neighbors who pressured him to get rid of the RV parked at his house."

First names only, and with witty epitaphs. This sure ought to be a slam-dunk -- shouldn't have happened in the first place.